Terrence’s Point of View

If there is one thing that I can prove that's true about love, I think, it's when you love someone, you can never really unlove them.

In my case, I guess I can prove that it's true because I haven't loved anyone but him. It has always been him... since then.

But others (who have experienced moving on and loving someone new) say that once you started loving someone new, the love that you previously felt for your former lover or former crush— or whatsoever that you can label it (as for me, I could just label it as a former crush, I think, because I know that Jacob never really loved me more than a friend), will just be overpowered by the new passionate and stronger love.

To put it plainly, that love will still remain.

And I couldn't wait to fall in love with someone new because I'm tired of loving Jacob. I've loved him since we were in 7th grade, and I think, it's really time for me to put my eyes on others... to finally give my heart to someone who deserves it.

I can only think of one person that deserves my heart... that deserves my love.

Jacob Kier Avelino.

Funny, right? Another Jacob. And I think... he's the Jacob that I deserve to pour all my love into.

I'll be back tomorrow to the Philippines, and I will see him again. Hopefully, everything will turn out as planned... and I hope I will finally learn to love him wholeheartedly because he's worthy of it.

He's been doing everything for me and I've been trying to appreciate him, and of course, love him for the last three years. He's been travelling non-stop from Philippines to here in Paris just so he could make me happy at times where there is an important occassion, and lately, we have been video-calling be it night or day.

He always comforts me... and he is always there whenever I need someone I can cry to.

I mean... I have my friends— Lyra and Aly, even Mina and Greg, but having him as a friend is somehow special because he has already confessed his feelings for me, and lately, he's the one who always notices whenever I have a problem. With just a little change in the way I speak or in the way I chat him, he already knows that I have a problem.

I told him back then to just give up on me because I do not want to hurt him and give him false hopes... but he is persistent. He said he won't ever get tired of loving me and that he won't ever lose patience on me— he will wait, no matter hong long it will take, because he knows that one day, I will be able to learn to love him. He also said that he's sensing that I'm about to fall for him... that I'm already ready to fall in love with him.

I stared at myself in the mirror right in front of me and questioned myself: is this your final decision, Ter? With this decision, you have to stop thinking about the othr Jacob and focus on Jacob Kier.

"I want to be the first person that comes to your mind whenever something— be it good or bad, happens to you. I want to be the one whom you can share an umbrella with whenever it's raining, and I want to be the one whom you can enjoy the view of a bright sunshine with," his voice echoed in my mind.

He said those exact words last Friday night— after I booked my flight to the Philippines, and just when Lyra and Aly just rode their plane to travel here.

Right after he said those exact words, that's when the idea of me taking chance on him finally existed. And now, I'm finally considering it.

Why not, right? He has been good to me... he has done everything for me. I think he deserves a chance.

"Already your final decision, Ter, okay?" I pointed to myself at the mirror. "There is no turning back..." I even lift my chin up as if that would give me confidence. I looked like a fool though.

It's time to finally let go of my feelings for Hacob— well... Jacob rather. We're not bestfriends anymore... I cannot call him that way anymore.

"Hey, Ter, let's go!" Lyra called me as I saw her stood up. She just finished tying her shoelaces. "Move faster, I'm already done preparing! You still have to give me and Aly a tour here!" Lyra immediately grabbed my hand and then walked me out of my room.

Aly then tangled her arms around me and walked with us.

"Your old house is near the Eiffel Tower, right?" Aly asked, and I nodded twice. "We need to take a lot of pics in front of the Eiffel Tower!" she added with too much excitement. She even screamed for almost two seconds, and I couldn't blame her because this has been our dream ever since— to go to Paris altogether and have a picture with the Eiffel Tower.

Yup. We are currently in Paris, France right now. I've been living here for eight long years... and I never came back to the Philippines.

If I am not mistaken, we made the pact that we will go together here in Paris, specifically at the iconic Eiffel Tower when we were still in 8th grade— back when we had a 'Bucket List' activity on Values Education.

Actually, Jacob was included in that pact. Not Jacob Kier... but Jacob Jinx. Back then, we were inseparable, that's why he did not let me join that pact if he's not included in it. He also said back then that he isn't allowed to be away from me that's why he should be included in that pact.

But unfortunately... he is not here. He is not with us. He is not with me anymore. Apparently, he allowed himself to be away from me.

I immediately shook my head and tried to erase all the thoughts about him in my mind because I can't be thinking about him right now. Not when Lyra and Aly are here... not when I already decided to forget him and move on from him.

I should pin in my head that no matter what happens, he will never love me... and I should remind myself that he hurt me... that he chose that girl over our friendship... that he never valued our friendship because he chose to continue his relationship with that girl.

I focused on driving back to my house in Cornelia Street, where the Eiffel Tower is near, and on thinking of places where I should tour Aly and Lyra into. I'm real sure, these two will roam their eyes around as I drive as they are suckers for aesthetic-looking places just so they could take pictures and post it on their social media accounts.

"Use Google Maps so we can track down all the places that I listed on my notes app," Lyra tapped Aly's shoulder.

Aly is seated at the shotgun seat, and Lyra's at the back seat. Since Aly also wants to take pictures at 'aesthetic-looking' places, she willingly opens the Google Maps application on her phone.

"Are all the places that we searched for in there?" Aly asked Lyra with her one brow raising, and Lyra just nodded.

As expected... Aly and Lyra did their research. It's good that they used Google Maps as I might forget the places that they want to go to. I'm quite forgetful at times.

We also went to some places that weren't on their list because throughout the drive, they were both looking at the windows and eyeing for places that were 'aesthetic' for them. Even a normal street that looked so Paris for them, we stopped by there and they took several pictures! They even had picture pegs that they got from Pinterest!

"Let's go first to the places that you two want to go to... I don't want to be blamed if they are already closed later," I rolled my eyes to both of them and laughed. "The last place we'll go to will be my house since it's open 24 hours," I joked even more.

"Great idea! We'll have more time for pictures!" Lyra giggled.

"You'll have more time to fix the angle of your shots..." Aly rolled her eyes at Lyra because most of the pictures Ly took did not match her taste. She even cringed as she was scrolling through her phone and scanning her pictures.

As expected, the two took more pictures. Aly was the meticulous one, as she was the one who was photographed a hundred times but still was not satisfied with the pictures taken.

As far as I know, it was 10AM when we left my house, and time check— it's already 12 noon. It's time for lunch... my stomach is already noisy, and so are they.

We ate at a restaurant near the street where they took several photos. I hate to say this but as expected (again), the two took several pictures as the restaurant was also aesthetically pleasing for them.

After eating lunch, we finally to went to the Eiffel Tower. It's the perfect time to take pictures there— there's still sun, but it wasn't as hot as what it was earlier.

After I parked my car, Ly and Aly jumped off the car excitedly and they were both screaming as they were running fast.

"This is so surreal! It feels like I'm dreaming!" Ly exclaimed.

"Oh my god... why.. why am I crying?!" Aly wiped her eyes. "I can't believe I'm crying tears of joy!"

I couldn't help but laugh at both of them. It feels so good to be with them again... and it feels really really good to have checked one of the things in our bucket list.

When we were finally at the front of the Eiffel Tower, the two both opened the cameras on their phone and both took a video of themselves while smiling widely with the view of the Eiffel Tower at their back.

Because I'm also happy, I joined them at their videos and even waved at the camera.

"I love you two!" Aly hugged me and Ly as she was still recording a video on her phone.

"Are you planning to build an online channel and upload vlogs there?" I jokingly asked her, and she just shook her head and continued what she was doing.

After taking several pictures with the Eiffel Tower (we took pictures where the three of us were together, and we also took some solo pictures), we decided to go to The Louvre.

Several pictures were then taken once again. They even took some solo pictures of me because I told them that when I went here last year (I think?), I was not able to take a decent photo as I was just alone, and they said that they will take the best photos that I could ever see and I could not agree more as the pictures that they took were really beautiful.

It was already 5PM when we finished roaming around and checking art pieces on the Louvre.

“What's our plan for tomorrow? Where will we go?” Lyra seemed so excited. With her facial expression, it looks like she's still not tired and still want to go several places.

Well... it's their first time here, so it's understandable. And besides that, tomorrow's our last day here and they want to make the most out of it.

We are currently walking towards the lot where I parked my car, and I immediately thought of a place that I'm sure they'll like.

"Do you want to go to beach?" I raised my brows at both of them.

It's summer here, so the weather's obviously hot... but I immediately remembered how they complained about the cold earlier. They even said that they felt like they were in Baguio, because even though it's summer, they still felt really cold.

I could not blame them as the Philippines' weather is really hot... and it's surely the only thing that I did not miss in the Philippines.

"I'm g," Ly replied. G means 'go,' which means that she's up for it.

"I'm g too... but I'll just go there for pictures. It's too cold, I don't think my body can handle such cold..." Aly shook her head as she thought of the cold water touching her skin.

"i'm sorry, I can't relate to you two as my body had already adjusted to the Paris' weather..." I laughed.

“You're a Parisian now, Ter... you're not a Filipino anymore."

Aly hit Ly in her head and Ly immediately complained.

"French! Not Parisian! I don't think people who love in Paris are called Parisian, dumbass!" Aly rolled her eyes.

Ly did the same thing to Aly's head. "It was a sarcasm, dumbo!"

I just let them fight because I kinda missed hearing such fights.

The second I sat on the driver's seat of my car, I felt my stomach rumbling. The rumbling was reasonable as our last meal was already five hours ago.

"Hungry, too?" I looked at Aly who's sitting at the shotgun seat and at Ly who's at the back seat, and they both nodded at the same time.

We decided to just order food online and have it delivered at my old house (where we will be going now). We just ordered a bucket of fried chicken, rice, and two boxes of pizzas.

After just five minutes of driving, we are finally at my old house.

This house was not really mine before as this was my Aunt Lara's. When she died two years ago, I inherited this house from her as there wasn't anyone who would inherit it as she did not have a husband and a child. I teared up when I found out about this inheritance because I felt back then that I wasn't worthy as I did not have enough bond with her, but I gladly accepted it as it was stated in her last will testament.

Aunt Lara was also a mother figure for me as she let me stayed here back when she was still alive for two years. It was my first two years here in France and she made it easier for me because she always cooked for me, and there were even times where she would wash my clothes.

I moved out of this house after two years as my workplace back then was kinda far from here and I badly wanted to live independently. That time, my cousin, Dina, just migrated here to be a domestic helper, so I had no problem with Aunt Lara being alone in this house.

But unfortunately, three months after I moved out, Aunt Lara had a heart attack and did not survive. It was very sudden for all of us because she wasn't complaining of anything, and she looked very healthy at the time, so we were all very saddened by her death. My father, Aunt Lara's brother who was so close to her, insisted on coming here but he wasn't able to as the tickets were to expensive and our budget was too tight.

A month after Aunt Lara's death, Diana came back to the Philippines. She was not able to bear the sadness that she was feeling... as for her, it was suffocating, so she just decided to come home. I kinda felt bad at that time as I thought that I should have visited her often, but I couldn't because of my hospital shifts.

"Your house is huge, Ter." Aly's jaw dropped. Her eyes roamed around my dirty and my ivy-ed house.

"Why don't you just sell it if you do not want to live here?"

I did not answer Lyra's question because I know that she was just joking. She already knows why I am not selling it.

As far as I can remember, the last time I went here was five years ago. I did not hire any caretaker for this house that's why the house is dirty right now, so... I'm considering on hiring one right now. The walls are starting to be occupied by ivy, dust is very evident even if it's dark right now, and I even saw a big spider walking slowly on the wall!

I just sighed and decided that I will continue contemplating on whether I should hire a caretaker or not later before I go to bed.

As I stood right at the front door, I grabbed the key in my pocket and then slowly opened the dor.

“Why are you wasting this house? It's so beautiful!” Lyra immediately commented as I turned on the lights.

Just like earlier, Aly's jaw dropped. I figured, she was just amazed of how beautiful and huge this house is.

If I'm not mistaken, Aunt Lara was the one who designed the insides of the house as she was an interior designer. With the design, you would never assume that a 60-year-old woman was the one who designed it as it was very modernish with a touch of a little oldness.

When I took a step forward, I was stopped by several papers that I stepped on.

I picked the papers up and saw that all of these are letters that are addressed to me.

If my estimations are correct, I think these letters are more than a hundred!

These letters are probably just random bills or something as it took long for my address to get changed in the post office.

I was about to look at the back of the letters to see the senders of the letters, but Aly grabbed the letters from me.

"What are these?" Aly looked at the back of the letters and her eyes immediately widened. Widen to the point that she looked like she just saw a spooky ghost.

"You look like a fool, sis..." Ly laughed as she turned to Aly to see what she was looking at.

When Ly finally saw it, her eyes widened the same way Aly's eyes did.

“O… m… g…” Ly slowly said as she was looking at me with her nervous eyes.

I really can't read their eyes... was that nervousness... or was that scaredness? Or... worriedness?

I don't know!

Because I was too curious of what they just saw, I walked fast near them and hurriedly looked at the sender of the letters.

As I looked at the sender of the letters, my eyes widened, my jaws clenched, and my heart started to beat abnormally.

What the actual fuck...

All the letters were from Jacob… or Hacob— as stated on the letter. They were all handwritten letters from eight and seven years ago.

With my hands trembling, I hurriedly searched for the most recent letter and found it at the last.

The recent letter was from seven years ago, a month after I moved out of this house. A month before Aunt Lara died.

“Why... why are you reading the most recent one?” Ly curiously asked with her brows furrowed.

"I think... I think you should start with the oldest one?" Aly's shoulder brushed.

I wasn't able to answer them right away but after I think, almost 30 seconds, I finally answered them, "I just feel like the most recent one would be the summary of all the letters that he has sent to me?"

“You have a point."

"Go... just.. just go on and read the most recent one."

I slowly tear the white envelope where the letter was and started reading the words that were handwritten by Jacob— the Jacob Jinx... my Hacob.

As I was reading the letter, tears started crawling down my cheeks.

Aly and Lyra immediately got worried, so they decided to just hug me as I was reading the letter.

After reading that one full page letter, I suddenly couldn’t feel my legs.

I felt my body dropped at the floor and the two were there to help me.

What the fuck...

All those times… Hacob felt the same.

He loved me... not just a friend...

He loved me the very same way that I loved him.